week 10 en 11

Monday: On Monday we got some feedback about our project. And we still have to find a way to come together. That is also where our group meetings are all about. How do we come together as a group. We are thinking about a intro writing but from on the feedback from Amy we started diving into a more interactive way to make our archive. Eli showed us a example of a 'game'. We could also make with our apartment. In our small little rooms you find our collected archive. This can be our process combined with drawings or other things related to the things I collected. Related to the identity of our sense-self. In my case it is about the collection combined with creative work about my research to disabled feminism.

My questions for now are:
- How can I draw a room (maybe use a template? And draw over it on illustrator?)
- What is gonna be in my room?
- How big are the rooms?
- How do I make a zoom-in?

Because things are a little bit new it will be a creative process I have to go through but Amy and I had a conversation about the vulnerability of unlearning things during this minor. That is why I also don't want to go for a image of my room what Jackie suggested but I want to try to draw a room. It would not be a perfect drawing because i'm not a illustrator/drawer. But I will try my best to make it all work.

Group meeting notes:

After Amy's feedback we had a conversation about the project. Eli came with a example of a 'game'. It is not a game you play but more a interactive way to get you through our world. I think it is interesting for us to make a apartment building instead as a front cover of a magazine build it into our front-page of our hot glue. And with this comes clickable links to our own personal archive (house) because all our research is private and vulnerable it's a choice for us to put it all into a house. A house is private and our archive is also quite private. It are things you normally don't share or see. A unseen world.

I decided to change the titel. Because I still wanted to do something with my own personal archive. In the end it all started from my sense-self so I would find it a waste to let that go. That's why I decided to make my work differently. And give it a different titel. I want to discuss in class tomorrow if everything has to be in 1 style for the different pages. Because we discussed that we don't have to have one clear house style. I'm curious if my pencil must be seen back in all my graphics/drawings. If it's yes I have to find a way to translate this style in all my work without looking the same.

This week was for me a lot of thinking about my archive. I was a little bit stuck and just figured out that I have to start to create my room and not think it has to be perfect. I also was thinking what I want to add into the room think about - my drawings, the archive that should not be seen, the book I read what led me to writing the essay and researching disabled feminism. Maybe a letter? A small personal story? That are things i'm thinking about and what will all come together building my room. I also added some new theory to my excel sheet for my essay. You can click on it under here.

(Sketch is made by Emma)

This helped me a lot to understand our archive and our project better. From on this moment I started realizing my own room. See under here a first screenshot. Because i'm thinking about zooming it in more I still have to make changes. But this is for me the right way to get more depth inside my room.

- To make lines in the floor (will give more depth)
- To add a window and the view
- To hang things on the wall related to my archive (maybe drawings)
- What needs to be clickable? And what is just in the room? Is it more like a game or do I have to outline it.
- Do I still write next to the drawings? is that really necessary? Or do I just write a small title?
- (challenge) Find balance between homework and work this week

Group meeting notes:

Overall in the group meeting we told each other how far we were and made some notes where we need to work on for next week. I want to make big steps next week because after this week we want to start build our hot glue.

Notes:
Unseen

A street name

Unseen Worlds

Worlds Unseen

Read the Room

Home page ideas

Could be an audio clip, ringing a bell and intercom

A common room, with each of us providing context of our projects

After the weekend on Monday I decided that the drawing from of my room is from a to big perspective. Because you dive into the window through the big apartment. That's why I decided to go for a zoom in already. And in this zoom-in you find clickable links to projects/archives/theory? that's something I will figure out this week.

Next you see my process. I started to draw the lines basically and from on this I started painting the walls and filling in the bed, create a nightstand. From on this drawing I want to fill it in with things from my archive. Drawings, collected things. All related to exposing myself to my disabled identity ('Trauma') What inspired me to research my inner-self? What is a disabled identity? how does it make me feel? that something you all find in my room. This room is based on my own bedroom in my house. I like soft and pastel colors to create a relaxing/home atmosphere around me. In the drawing I 'over' colored it.

What do I need to complete the room?
- Books
- Decoration
- Posters
- Laptop
- Notebook
- View

- After the drawing is done I start working on the clickable links.

My personal feedback from Monday was more about which drawings are based on the theory. Why did I choose certain theory? Was it random? Was it on purpose? I'm creating a visual language through what I read. How did I experienced reading this. That are things I want to show in the drawings. This drawings you can find later in my own 'room'

I wrote down where I based the drawings on I already made. From now I still want to work on 3 drawings. The Spoon Theory -> How do I visualize the Spoon Theory? How do you see the meaning of using spoons as your energy level?

Book - Invisible - I hope to sketch a picture of what it is like to be a young female-identified and dealing with the pressure to seem youthful and carefree, no matter what one body has gone through (Hirsch, 2018, pp. 12)’’

Book - Rejected bodies - Visualize the rejected bodies

With the visuals I create my own visual language. I will put the visual language in my room combined with a link to the books and things that I collected.

- The colors are based on my own room (but extra)
- The room has to be a comfortable place where I can finally be myself.
- In this room I need to rest and load my battery that is why I like to be surrounded by soft colors. Lights, candles etc. I tried to put that in the drawing later on. This is the first time I make a drawing like this that's why I had a struggle with the coloring (how do I create a 'light' on a candle etc.

This drawing is more a literally visual language of the spoon theory to explain what it is. On a daily base you have a certain amount of spoons and if you use more you will have less spoons for the next day etc. That's why it is important for the sick ones to live by a certain 'spoon' theory or other way to have a balance in your energy & your energy levels.

At first I was talking about a editorial idea because I was thinking about a digital zine as a magazine. After our group meeting we decided to make a apartment building and from on this you can visit our rooms. With this in my head I changed the vision on the editorial and see it more as my visual language. From on the theory I made drawings where I want to visualize the theory/books or article. I decided to work this week on 3 more drawings to create a full serie.

I decided to change the white background to black. With this you can see the colors better and it has a bigger impact. The name of the poster is Daily Spoons. Based on the explaining of the Spoon Theory but instead of words I used graphics and the spoons. It cost for example 2 spoons to get out of bed, 3 to shower and 4 to clean the house.

This drawing is based on the quote. It is not clear what you exactly see but it is me the two world you are living if you are young and specifically facing the pressure to live a normal live as a disabled/sick woman. One day you lay in the hospital and the next day your deadline has to be done etc.

- Inspired by the drawing of Charlie Fitz

For this drawing I want to visualize the book Rejected Body The Rejected Body argues that feminist theorizing has been skewed toward non-disabled experience, and that the knowledge of people with disabilities must be integrated into feminist ethics, discussions of bodily life, and criticism of the cognitive and social authority of medicine. Among the topics it addresses are who should be identified as disabled; whether disability is biomedical, social or both; what causes disability and what could 'cure' it; and whether scientific efforts to eliminate disabling physical conditions are morally justified. Wendell provides a remarkable look at how cultural attitudes towards the body contribute to the stigma of disability and to widespread unwillingness to accept and provide for the body's inevitable weakness.

I was doubting to sketch the room because I'm not a experienced 'drawer' but I decided that with other images and layers I could manage to visualize it on Illustrator. I preferred this above images or a collage to be more in line with the rest of my group. Also this minor is about unlearning and even though it takes me long to visualize/draw the room it learns me technical tools I can take with me in the future.

Because we are talking about identity and in every image you see the identity of things that make/break your identity back in different ways for my last drawing, i decided to use the Rejected Body. The Rejected Body helped me to understand the subjects of my essay and also to understand my own body that is why I choose 3 images of my personal archive and visualize them into drawings. This is also how you can see the link between my sense-self and the theory/archive I collected. It was a journey to understand and accept myself and specific my disabled body during the last couple months.

This drawings are also in relationship to the theory I read Sick Women, Sad Girls, and Selfie Theory:
Autotheory as Contemporary Feminist Practice. Because I chose for this images to use myself as the inspiration for the drawings. Specifically because it was a quite personal journey and I find if you step inside my 'house' you should also see something personally from me. Not only abstracter drawings. It was a fun journey to use myself as the subject of the drawings. This Minor was not about creating a new brand identity but more about understanding my own identity.

(I used 3 selfies and made drawings of them)

This is how far I came today. I added elements that are clickable and elements that are not clickable. In the end when I'm done with my room and the clickable pages I will also add a spread sheet on my hot glue why somethings are clickable and what you will find. Why it has this certain colors etc.

What does the language of pain looks like. What is the perspective of pain look like for me?

Pain is pretty, pain is hurtful, it is always there in the back of your head. But I don't want to make it dark and gloomy. I find comfort in making/weaving it into a pastelist kind of 'world' you want to enjoy. I don't want to see it as my dark side because it is there. And it did not make me bitter. It just made me realize things. In the visuals I want to sketch a comfort. You have to feel 'happy' looking at it but whenever you look longer you understand the curtain language.

In the group crit the feedback was about how do we come together. What is the main reason you want to enter this house? And what do you see/feel when you leave the house. We all build our own room but why are we living in one house? That are questions we still have to work on because I see it myself also back in our project. It seems that we all did research for one another and we did not come together. Anyhow we had a lot of group meetings and in my believe our overlap lays in that we are all felt unseen at a certain point in our life, and because of this we hided something from our identity. All in different ways. We all researched this on a different way but it is still our connected. We are the ones who are not seen. Who are not 'perfect' in our society. But how do we show why? and how? and how do we draw that connection.

Notes meeting:

We don't use our own names (due to publishing reasons and the projects being of a private nature)
Common room - with board of connections - everyone has a little icon on there, however they choose to present themselves . (we each make our own icon)
Re-use assets from room in someone else's room to redirect
All experiences have something to do with not feeling seen at a certain point in tim

Flowchart:
You open the site, there is a slightly ajar door in a blank space. Question whether you want to enter. Yes - > you enter the house / no -> you go to a blank space

You're in this common room and there's a big board on the wall. The board has photos of our chosen avatar and a small introduction, from there we connect the projects - like a mindmap

Item of each person out in the common room, redirects to their bedroom
They come back to the common room (somehow)
They leave the house. The page is blank.

Why are my drawings not showing pain at a one eye view?

I was thinking about calling our house. (Our house in the middle of the street) the meaning and saying with this is that it is just a random house everybody can live. But we all know a strange house we all curious who is living there. That is our house. on a day when you enter our website the house is open, and you take a look into it secretly. It is like a house/ map you can enter and you can look around but it is somehow not your business to be there. What is your main goal of visiting the house is then still the question we have to figure out.

If you look at my drawings you probably don't see in one eye-sight the pain. That has 2 reasons. My visual language is welcoming. I want you to explore my world with understanding and comfort. It is not always dark to be sick. It is just a part of the life of the disabled. We are not suffering but there are days that we are suffering. For me it was not the right choice with the live that i'm living to not 'sugar' coat it. It should make sense for my sense self, and regardless that being sick does not make my live easier I did not want to have it any other way. I'm happy that during this minor there was room and understanding towards myself to explore my own identity better. I thought I already know myself but I figured out during this minor that there is much I still can explore later on. I'm excited about the way of schooling. I learned new tools, theory (I never heard about) and it is all close to myself. I did not want to make it dark because I enjoyed exploring my sense-self. The 'other' identity I have. The identity who was always scared to show herself. I want to speak proud of being sick. I think you can succeed regarding your disabilities and during this minor I could explore successful woman who are already proud of who they are they are only (looking) where they place in society is like me.