week 12 13

I decided to change the titel. Because I still wanted to do something with my own personal archive. In the end it all started from my sense-self so I would find it a waste to let that go. That's why I decided to make my work differently. And give it a different titel. I want to discuss in class tomorrow if everything has to be in 1 style for the different pages. Because we discussed that we don't have to have one clear house style. I'm curious if my pencil must be seen back in all my graphics/drawings. If it's yes I have to find a way to translate this style in all my work without looking the same.

This week i'm focused on finalizing my part of the project. From on Tuesday we also start building our 'game' on our collaborated hot glue page. My first step is working on the pop-up pages so whenever this is ready I can start building my part of the website.

1. This drawing is clickable and will take you to a bigger view of the drawing. It shows 2 worlds where you live in and is based on the book of Michelle Lenth
2. This is a idea that came forth out of a workshop from Amy. What can I do with my personal archive and I still want to be invisible for the viewer who comes into my room. That is why I putted a code on the 'aura' inside your body.
3. The visualization of the Spoon Theory + Link to #
4. Link to the book
5. Link to the audio. The story of me, my parents and the reason why I started the research to my sense-self and disabled body.
6. Link to a tumblr where all the theory from Johanna Hedva is saved.
7.Link to archive unseen
8. Drawing of the body. The pain and fatigue inside the body. The body feels on fire. It is gonna be a GIF
9. Link to my excel file where I saved everything
10. Link to the book
11. Link to selfie drawings based on the sad girl, sick woman and selfie auto theory.

Apart from this there are also some pop-ups to a excel sheet, or the archive itself.

In the group meeting we discussed who is gonna do what. I'm gonna make the houserules. The whiteboard & I write the introduction text together with Kirstie. This week I want to finish them so we can upload them to our hot glue to have enough time for preparing the presentation.

Notes of my call with Julie about the essay:
- 1 or 2 sentences to make the point stronger. With theory padded. It will be good/better.
- Explain capitalism
- What does capitalism does to body.
- What does my personality/ has a certain amount of spoons but my radiance. Prioritize things. And in relation to capitalism is this how fiction happen.
- It is more a question how you can use your body knowledge. How you articatule this 2 together.
- The rest is to abstract, it is not the same language. Rephrase it.
- Just be careful how you communicate to people. It has to be clear. A lit more suprize. Make abstract paragraphs clearer. And a small mention about the capitalism vs my situation.
- You can go a lil bit over the words.

I feel pretty positive about the feedback regarding that this is my first essay. With this adjustments I hope I wrote a strong story about how I feel/see myself as a disabled feminist and why I call myself. I'm really relieved that this minor gave me the space for one time to really work on my own growth as a human being and with knowing and listening better to my body I have the feeling I can only come up with new/more creative ideas. It was sometimes a struggle because on my school I learn to think differently but now we are heading tot he end I start to understand the new way of learning more and more. It is also a different way of being creative. I'm also happy that I'm in a group with different students from different majors. So I can learn a lot about drawings/animation in specific. This we're things I was not exposed to before.

Together with Kirsten I wrote the introduction to glue or projects together. If we reflect on the process we all agree that it was better if we came earlier together. For this moment you will still feel the overlap in our project. We all share the same house, we share the same unseen parts in our identity and during the minor there was time and space to understand/research this parts. Next you see our icons and with this comes the words. The words are not specific linked to the icon around it. We are gonna make colors and lines for you all to understand how and where the overlap is. But the big overlap is already written in the page. You can see the house as a safe space you want to go too. To research your own inner body knowledge.

House in the middle of the street comes from the reference that in every house there is something going on but you just don't know about it. Before the minor I never worked together with people from WDKA and specific not a group who already know each other but they welcomed me with open arms and I learned a lot of different new design ass terms from them. When I started the minor I felt lost for a while because I never had this experience with theory or design before but in the end it feels like it was a 4 month course of a lot of reflecting to myself, to the world and to how I view the world. Specifically interesting was for me that the change with AMFI is easy to be seen. At the social practices there is time for you. To grow as a person, it is important how you feel and you can take that with you in the process. That is why I had time to research something close to myself but with this came a whole new world full of designers, artists and socialists where I could reference with. In the fashion industry I have the feeling that there is not a safe space to discuss or learn about this kind of things because of all the innocence going on and with the minor and specially the knowledge that it gave me I can take this with me to AMFI to look from a different perspective to things. I can be more creative in creating concepts and also be proud of my differences because if they will let me fail for making for example a concept about them. At least I have arguments now why that decision was/is not the right one!

In the group meeting we finished the whiteboard. Here you can also see the overlap. Personally I think we could have done this way earlier, not in the case of a whiteboard but as a mind map. Because in the end we really have a lot of overlap in our project and if we found that before we had more time to put into the end project. Anyhow, i'm proud of the outcome of the website because we all have a different style/background and research project but through the website we knew how to bring it all together.

What - I researched disabilities specifically from a feminist perspective. I came to the realization that disabled females are a marginalized unseen group in society. I never realized before this minor that I belong to a closed group. I always had the feeling I was alone. The book Invisible from Michelle Lenth really opened my eyes and let me understand things better, related to the pressure I feel to succeed and regarding to my body, dating, work and school in general. In my room you find a collection of this research.

Why - To showcase that disability is a topic where we have to put more effort in. I been raised to hide my disability and from on this minor I can see it as my strength. I should be proud to learn how to balance my disabilities together with my creative work.

How - I made my own visual language. Basically I drew the theory/books I read into drawings to let you understand the meaning or feeling.

At first when I started this minor I never expected to research disabilities and feminism. I was more focused on learning more from cultural views and adjust them back into my fashion/branding projects on my own academy. After all I also learned all the things I was supposed to learn this semester through the Theory classes but I could combine it with a research into my inner self. I enjoyed getting to know myself and accepting the fact that I'm disabled and searching out how I can still belong in daily society without feeling less or unseen. It is my own choice to be unseen because I'm ashamed of being sick but this minor taught me that I should not be ashamed. I learned this through everything I read. I found recognization in the theory, in the books, the social artists, the drawers and illustrators and after all in the drawings I made myself. I never expected this in the first place but I think without knowing it taught me a lot of unlearning. Unlearning how to come up with concepts. I'm sure if I go back to AMFI now that the creative classes from Amy can help me to get more out of my comfort zone and look more for different references. I found it important for my room to be a comfortable space. i hope somebody enters facing the same things I was facing and feels seen. With this it can also research the writers and artists. What do they have to say about this topic? How can I love my sick body.

Starting the minor I felt lost for a while. Specifically because I had the feeling I did not had the knowledge the others in class had. I felt pretty insecure and uncomfortable. I thought I knew a lot but I figured out that was not true at all. I had a little bit a hard time adapting to this but after doing all the homework and reading theory. I get more along. I also ordered the book Mushroom in the end of the world for example to get along and also feel more motivated. From on this moment when I started reading, researching and following all the classes I found myself literally back. I figured out that Teana was right on the first day. Now we almost in the end of the minor I can shush my family on a birthday dinner better than ever, and that is something i'm proud of.

Reflecting on my role in the group I was active, enthusiastic and I did not bother to help everywhere I could. I'm happy that I could also in the end come up with fonts and make the whiteboard. The group dynamic was really good and we all putted in the same effort. There was also space in the group to say if you had a less day or we're pretty tired. I want to say that this is the best group I ever worked with regarding a group project. Even though they are friends and I never spoke with them in real life. I had the feeling I could really tell them everything. We we're a group of friends working on our projects and helping each other out. I cherish that specific part because I do not know if I could open up about my sickness into another group. They really made me feel like there was space to tell my stories.